Source
Automatically imported from: http://commons.somewhere.com:80/rre/1997/Top.NEWSPEAK.Stories.of.1.html
Content
This web service brought to you by Somewhere.Com, LLC.
Top NEWSPEAK Stories of the Week #91
``` ---
This message was forwarded through the Red Rock Eater News Service (RRE). Send any replies to the original author, listed in the From: field below. You are welcome to send the message along to others but please do not use the "redirect" command. For information on RRE, including instructions for (un)subscribing, send an empty message to rre-help@weber.ucsd.edu
---
Date: Thu, 20 Nov 1997 23:44:08 -0800 (PST)
From: Wayne Grytting
AMERICAN NEWSPEAK. Hoarded at http://www.scn.org/newspeak Celebrating cutting edge advances in the Doublethink of the 90's Written by Wayne Grytting
History Rewriting 101
One of the common myths of the 90's has been put to rest. Cynics complain that when book publishers are bought out by large corporations, their work is inevitably compromised. Just the opposite was demonstrated by attorney Gary Reback at a conference on Microsoft sponsored by Ralph Nader. Recently the Gates monolith bought out Funk & Wagnell's Encyclopedia to use for their on-line "Encarta" version. Funk and Wagnell's originally had an entry on none other than Bill Gates himself, describing him as a "tough competitor who seems to value winning in a competitive environment over money." A terrible sentence. After the takeover, this same phrase was improved to "known for his corporate contributions and educational organizations." Obviously a much better version of history. (Seattle P-I, 11/14)
Life in the Fast Lane
The defeat of fast track authority for the President set off warning bells in our leading newspapers. The Wall Street Journal warns that the Democrats have become "a wholly owned subsidiary of the trade unions," bought outright with "cash, pure and simple." Even worse, they warn "what is going on at the AFL-CIO is a takeover by the American Left." This last remark came as a surprise to the American Left, last seen at a 1991 Anti-Gulf War rally. Meanwhile, the New York Times produced a lasting rebuttal to the "flagrantly false rhetoric" spurred on by "labor's campaign money." Reverting to a killer syllogism, they said, and listen carefully: "But American wages closely mirror American productivity. Trade can not threaten productivity, so it does not threaten the wages of most American workers." Good to see the old carnival shell game still has practitioners. (NYT 11/13, WSJ 11/11)
Selling Culture
Want to see dinosaur fossils? A major touring dinosaur exhibit now affords you the opportunity to view not only real fossils but anatomically incorrect replicas made for the movie "The Lost World." All of this is thanks to a growing partnership between public museums and corporate sponsors. Faced with declining public funding, museums are earning praise for the fine job they are doing marketing themselves to major sponsors. For example, the Smithsonian's 150th anniversary exhibit has displays by Intel, Discover Card, MCI and Trans World Airlines. Business Week reports that "Corporate America has become bolder in turning galleries into an extension of their marketing plans." (BW 11/10)
Dispassionate Objectivity
The German government has taught nations worldwide a valuable lesson in objectivity. It recently came to the attention of the German parliament that former war criminals have been drawing pension benefits for the past 50 years for injuries incurred in World War II. This has been occurring while many Holocaust victims still have not received compensation. Why? Because the appropriate officials felt that injuries and war crimes were two "separate issues," best handled by different departments. Our quiz question: how many years of education does it take to comprehend such distinctions? (Reuters 11/13)
Who's on First?
The transit system in Washington DC has finally solved the problem of high rush-hour fares. Responding to complaints that Washington's high rush-hour fares did not bring better service, assistant general manager Peter Benjamin is reported as responding that the bus service no longer had special "rush-hour" fares. These were now their "regular" fares. And the fares during off peak times were no longer "regular" fares, but the "discount" fares. The upshot is that bus service customers could not expect better service during rush hours because they were now only paying regular fares. A brilliant solution. (WP 11/13)
Reasons to Buy American
In Oakland, nine bison escaped from the city's zoo. I know you are probably thinking "So what," but you obviously haven't heard the rest of the story. Before the bison could wreak havoc in the streets of Oakland, clever employees found a way to lure them back. First they tried putting some mouth watering hay in front of them. When that failed they went to a tried and true American product. Yes, they put slices of Wonderbread in front of the dumbfounded bison and stopped them in their tracks. The bread that builds strong bodies 12 ways proved to be 100% more effective than hay in attracting the half ton mammals. What an endorsement. Can't wait to see Langendorf's next ad campaign. (Reuters 11/13)
Special thanks this week to Marie Birnbaum and Tom Langdon. Newspeak is posted weekly and can be had by e-mail by telling the author what a great guy he is at wgrytt@blarg.net ```
This web service brought to you by Somewhere.Com, LLC.